You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I want her autograph on my taint
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
