Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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