You're my little dorito
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bring me that man meat
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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