I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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