It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
