Sry I called you an 8
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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