dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
