The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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