seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
