Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im holly from the hills drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
