Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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