Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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