How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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