cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
ok first of all what the fuck
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
