Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
