Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
