that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
