She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
