I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize