Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
