My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
