never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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