My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
