If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
