It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i love accidental penises.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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