so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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