I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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