i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
