Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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