who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
