I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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