When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
