And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
