i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
