what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
