Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
