You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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