last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
