yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
accomplished twins. life is a go
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
