They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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