I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
