Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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