I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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