DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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