i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
