We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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