So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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