So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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