PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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