I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
