Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
