So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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