i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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