I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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