He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
