i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
