If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
