gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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