I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
