Little spoons don't ask big questions
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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