do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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