You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I lost the right to judge tonight
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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