Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We were destined to go to rehab together
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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