why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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