conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
