I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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