if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
