dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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