If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
