rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
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Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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